


The price of being called beautifull

by Sedecrem



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bullying, Catelyn is just very unfair, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Family Feels, Family Issues, Jeyne is a bully, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, concept of beauty, really slow burn, self doubt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:00:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24576451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sedecrem/pseuds/Sedecrem
Summary: Arya had always wanted to be called beautiful, not that she would ever admit it to anyone of course. Still, she couldn't help but long for those words to be ever directed at her.
Relationships: Arya Stark & Catelyn Tully Stark, Arya Stark & Ned Stark, Arya Stark/Gendry Waters, Jon Snow & Arya Stark & Bran Stark & Rickon Stark & Robb Stark & Sansa Stark, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, but most of all the relationship between Arya and Sansa that is shattered, mother and daughter - Relationship
Comments: 14
Kudos: 51





	The price of being called beautifull

Arya had always wanted to be called beautiful, not that she would ever admit it to anyone of course. Still, she couldn't help but long for those words to be ever directed at her.

The first memory Arya has of being called beautiful was of her father, Ned Stark.

She could remember her parents hosting a party, she couldn't remember what kind of party, but it was a big one, like almost all of their parties. Her family was rich, very rich and her mother was good friends with even richer friends. She had promised her mother she would behave that day. She had even let her mother wash and comb her hair. Being nine years old and stuffed into a pink spaghetti strapped dress, wasn't exactly Arya's idea of fun. But, nevertheless, she would do this for her mother. And well, she wasn't stubborn enough to admit that she had actually looked quite nice.

Although the most surprising part was her hair. Arya always managed to put her hair in a wild mess, it didn't matter how many times she combed it, it always turned to its hopeless state again. But that day, it had been styled and pretty. And Arya felt proud that it had been almost as long as that of her lady mother. Arya would also never admit this to anyone out loud, but she had always dreamed of her mothers and Sansa's beautiful red hair. Even the rest of her siblings, though being boys, all had pretty and soft hair.

So you could almost say that Arya had felt nice that it had looked so similar to that of her mother at that moment, she felt confident. As confident a nine-year-old tomboy could feel at least. She remembered the fun she and Bran had while playing in the house. Stealing cookies along the way. Rickon was still a baby and they would make faces and he would giggle. It had been a fun day, a good day. It only continued to get better, while the party was held inside, her mother had put up a venue in the garden and to Arya’s greatest delight she and Bran were allowed to play outside. Playing with other playmates had left Arya in a happy daze, but she was beginning to wander around alone. She didn't exactly know-how, but she happened upon a hill, near the lake, where she and her siblings would go swimming during the summers. It was still spring and Arya was taken aback at the beautiful wildflowers that grew there. Forgetting time and everyone else, she began picking some with great delight. Arya had never considered herself as being a typical girly girl. But something about wildflowers reminded her of happiness.

When she did finally make it back to the manor, she planned to give the flowers to her lord father. Yes, he was a lord. Her father had begun to look tired recently and heavy black circles were becoming a normal sight under his eyes. Nine-year-old Arya decided it was time to put a smile on her daddy's face, even if it was just for a moment. She was convinced that wildflowers would help cheer him up. Smiling widely she went straight in search of her father. And finding him she did. She didn't notice the glare on her mother's face when she stumbled inside with mud streaks on her pink dress and grass in her hair.

‘’This is for you dad,’’ she exclaimed excitingly. Giving him one of her best smiles. Sansa would always complain that she had a crooked smile.

Ned Stark turned around and it took him a moment to realise the gift in her hands. Not for long though, for he lifted her up and raised her to his height, kissing her cheeks while mumbling; ''Oh is that for me?'' Arya nodded, suddenly a bit shy at her father's attention.

Her father kissed her again, this time on the spot between her brows, ‘’Well, thank you, my dear, it's truly beautiful, just like you.”

And that was it, those three words, _just like you_ , had her heart swelling in pride. How happy she had been. Looking back now, it was perhaps not the most biased form of a compliment. But oh well, it was a compliment still. And he meant it, Arya truly believed he had meant it.

Arya could still look back at that moment and remember it fondly. She also, however, remembered the moment the feeling was shattered completely. It involved one person, and one person only; Jeyne Poole. And perhaps her older sister Sansa as well. Over the course of Arya's very short years, Jeyne Poole had proven to be a real bully and straight-up mean person. She was always calling Arya bad names and mocking her. Arya was convinced that Jeyne was just a silly girl, not worth her while. Arya could handle her, truly, she could. Arya was a big girl (not in stature, but you know, figurately speaking), she could fight her own fights.

This particular incident, however, was something Arya would admit as being one of her ‘lesser’ moments. But that was because she was unprepared for what was to come. And, well, because Sansa, her own sister, had turned against her.

After her dad had promised to take good care of the wildflowers Arya had gone happily in search for her brother and friends again. She caught sight of Bran’s red hair when Jeyne's voice made her stop dead in track.

‘’Well, well, well, if it isn't Arya Horseface, wearing a dress nonetheless. Not that it would ever help you look beautiful. After all, You can't make a swan out of a pig...’’

Arya turned around and looked into the evil eyes of Jeyne Poole, her sister's best friend. The words had stung, usually, it wouldn't so much. Yet, she had been so sure of herself that day, so sure of her father's compliment that she had forgotten about Jeyne Poole. She just didn't know what to say, let alone how to respond in a way she usually did.

Jeyne must have seen her shock, for she grinned, tilting her head to the side, ‘’...Not even when you put it into a pink dress.’’ she finished with a gleam in her eyes. She had said it right at the moment her sister Sansa and a few other kids were making their way. They were all laughing at her now.

Arya could feel the beginning of tears sting at the corner of her eyes. Not now, she told herself. Don't cry. With almost teary eyes she searched for her sister's face, pleading for her to do something. Anything to help her out. Sansa was many things but evil she was not, at least so Arya had thought. But her sister was laughing at her with the rest of them, she didn't even have the grace to hide her mirth like she usually would when her mother was present.

‘’Did you really think you could be pretty wearing that dress?’’ Jeyne continued, stepping closer. Arya stood her place, determined to keep her emotions in tack. They did not deserve her tears, no one did. Or so her uncle had told her once. But not crying was beginning to be a real challenge and Arya tried so desperately to keep her tears in.

Before she knew what she was doing she had already punched Jeyne square in the face. It wasn't a big punch and Arya knew she should never cling to anger. She had promised her mom she would behave. But, she was defending herself, was she not? And well, it had also felt kind of satisfying. Wiping that stupid smile right of Jeyne’s face. Arya grinned, Theon would be proud. Besides Jeyne’s pretty face didn't look so pretty now.

‘’Who is a pig now Jeyne?’’ Arya teased. Jeyne looked scared and tears were spilling down her face.

‘’ If you ask me, you cry just like one, a pig!’’ Arya finished, she knew it was mean, but it was not as if Jeyne didn't deserve it. Sansa gasped in horror and a few other kids were laughing about Arya’s joke now.

Soon Jeyne's face turned into anger, ‘’You-you are, ARGHHHH!’’ Jeyne screamed out, pointing her finger accusingly at her. ‘’You will pay for this horse face!’’

Arya just shrugged, ignoring her insults and the threats that followed. Looking at her sister, Arya wondered why Sansa looked so appalled. Honestly, didn't she hear what Jeyne had called Arya minutes ago? Alas, Sansa gave her a glare, something that reminded her a lot of her mother. She knew what was coming next.

‘’I’m going to tell mom Arya, and then you will be punished,’’ Sansa exclaimed, putting a protective arm around Jeyne who was still crying.

The girl was around Sansa’s age but her mascara was leaking and it made her face a mess. Honestly? Who wore that much make-up?

‘’Go on then!’’ Arya dared her sister. ‘’Then I'll tell mom just who started it.’’ she finished angrily, deep down wishing that it had been _her_ , who Sansa put a protective arm around. Sansa huffed, in that annoying, ‘I’m better than anyone else’ way of hers and began to soothe Jeyne again. Who was sobbing in earnest now, still calling Arya horrible names.

Arya snorted and was planning on leaving when Sansa spoke loud enough for anyone to her yet not directed at her.

‘’Come on Jeyne, Arya is just jealous, you look beautiful you _could never_ _be_ a pig.’’ And looking back, Arya should have walked away at that. But she had not and the words that followed could be described as the first real break between her sister and her relationship. ‘’...I wish you were my sister, Jeyne…’’

 _I wish you were my sister Jeyne._ Those words felt like a knife in nine-year-old Arya’s heart. _I wish you were my sister Jeyne, I wish you were_. And then it continued.

Sansa, her sister was arrogant, stuck up, always giggling, laughing, but Sansa had never been evil. ‘’... I wish you were my sister instead of Arya horse face.’’

 _Horse face_. _Horse face_. Mean? Sure, Sansa could be mean, but she had never called her that name. That name had only ever been spoken from Jeyne’s lips. Never ever from her own sister. It hurt. 

***

Arya didn't play for the rest of the day. And when Bran had asked her to visit the stables for there was to be a new horse foal or to go play with baby Rickon she had gone off running instead. Leaving a clueless Bran behind she went in search of the hill with wildflowers.

She knew she had to go back soon, her mother would be worried if she knew Arya was still outside. And Arya decided it was perhaps the right thing to apologise to Jeyne. She knew her father would’ve told her to do so. And her mother had probably already heard one side of the story. Looking at the grass beneath her she wondered if Jeynye liked wildflowers too.

So, when walking inside again, she tried to gain as much confident she could muster. Walking towards her sister's room. Arya felt the nerves and insecurity creeping up. Perhaps Jeyne was still angry? She could come back a later time? No, she told herself. She was a wolf and she wouldn't cower.

She had been right about one thing that evening. Jeyne was indeed still angry. Very angry. And before Arya could knock on Sansa’s door, she felt a mean punch to the back of her head. ‘’Auw!’’ turning around she was met with the pure hatred filled eyes of Jeyne Poole.

‘’You think I would really let you humiliate me like that?’’ she asked icily. All Arya’s thoughts of apologizing coming to a halt.

Still sputtering, ‘’I came to…’’ Arya began, but she was never meant to finish. Before Jeyne hit her in the face again, this time tugging at her hair also. The wildflowers fell from her hands instantly.

Jeyne was vicious, tugging at her hair again and again. Kicking and slapping Arya in her arms and stomach. Though Arya was often seen wrestling with other kids and her older brothers. Jeyne had the upper hand, being two years older and having the benefit of surprise. Not that Arya would make it easy for her though. She screamed and gave Jeyne some punches of her own. Arya had always been quick and Jeyne was shocked when Arya managed to slip from Jeynes evil grip.

‘’You get back here! You ugly horse face’’ Jeyne screamed after her. And Arya wondered why no one had heard the noises they were no doubt making. Sansa was clearly not in her room for otherwise she would have come out.

She was planning on turning around giving Jeyne another punch when Jeyne threw the hairbrush at her forehead. Arya felt instantly dizzy and wobbled onto her legs. Fluttering her eyes open and close she forced herself not to fall down and made herself sit on the ground instead. Jeyne’s laugh was making her head hurt more and before she knew what was happening she felt something wet on her face, for a moment she thought it was blood. But then Jeyne was spitting at her, and she knew the stickiness was not blood at all. Arya could only lay down in horror, stuck in place as she watched Jeyne chewing on gum before smearing it into Arya’s long pretty hair.

‘’You are ugly and you look like a boy. And a boy doesn't need long hair.’’ Arya tried desperately to kick and scream. Surely somebody would hear her? But the manor was big and the party was still going. Arya could hear the vague sounds of music coming from downstairs. It didn't take long before everything turned black.

***

Catelyn Stark never asked her what happened when Arys stumbled in the kitchen with wide eyes, dress torn and gum in her hair.

She had gained her consciousness again, waking up in a dark hallway and for a moment she had wondered if she was dead. But then she had remembered Jeyne and made herself stand up to find her mother. She was scared and angry and so desperately in need of a mother's embrace.

No, her mother had only sighted in frustration, uttering words of disbelief and making quick excuses to her friends before taking Arya by the hand. Arya had no chance to explain herself when her mother's stern voice stated, ‘Arya Lyanna Stark,’’ gripping her hand even harder.

‘’Look at yourself! Oh what have you done!?’’ her mother exclaimed.

‘’I-I didn't it was Jeyne! She was…’’ Arya tried.

‘’No, don't you blame that poor girl again, Your sister has told me what you did.’’ Catelyn interrupted Arya, ‘’Honestly Arya, why can't you just behave?’’

‘’But mom!’’ Arya began again, her mother squashed her off, ‘’Why can’t you ever be like your sister. And in front of my friends. Gods, look at your hair, have you been wrestling with your brothers again?! It looks like there is gum in it.’’

Arya felt like she was stabbed by a knife for a second time that day. _Why can’t you ever be like your sister?_ But she knew her mother, knew that it was better to shut her mouth before it turned out for the worse. Pulling Arya by the arm again, her mother turned them in the direction of the bedrooms.

When they walked in the hall, Arya felt herself breathing rapidly. She couldn't help it. Her mother didn't notice Arya's change in demeanour but she did notice the wildflowers crumbled onto the floor.

‘’I-I..’’ Arya began, but Catelyn only shrugged her head in disbelief, ‘’you will clean that up yourself, I won't have the staff bothering with such a task.’’

Arriving at her mother's room, Catelyn Tully Stark placed Arya on the chair in front of the big vanity.

‘’Unbelievable Arya, unbelievable, your hair looks horrible. I fear there is nothing to be done about it.’’ Her mother sighed for what must have been the thousandths time.

Arya felt a lump beginning to form in her throat, she had promised herself she wouldn't cry, she wouldn't. She opened her mouth again to tell her mother what happened, that it wasn't her fault at all. But her mother gave her one glare as if to say, ‘don't you dare’. It made Arya instantly shut up.

Her mother's stern look always made Arya feel some kind of failure, worthless. Maybe she was, Jeyne and Sansa had said so, perhaps they were right after all. It didn't take long before her mother was signing again in frustration. Muttering words of 'hopeless,' ‘wild,’ and ‘unbelievable’. Her mother was a talented woman, cutting hair however wasn't one of them. Alas, her hair was a bird's nest and there was nothing there could be done about gummed hair. Or so her mother explained.

With the promise of an appointment at the hairdresser the next day, Arya knew to only nod.

Hesitantly, Arya looked at the mirror in front of her, she shouldn't have done that, for the reflection made her wince. There was an eerie silence that followed. Only interrupted when her mother began the task, brown locks of hair falling down the marble floor.

Waking up that morning she had believed she could be pretty, so secure that her hair had looked almost like that of her mother. She had believed for a moment she could be beautiful, she truly did. Only for that moment to shatter completely into a thousand pieces. Looking at herself again she knew that she had been stupid to ever think she could be. She was not beautiful, she wasn't even pretty. For Arya Stark was just Arya Horseface, scabby knees and crooked teeth. She had always been that way, she would always remain that way. Even more so now with her uneven cut hair. It was short, extremely short and Arya could easily imagine the new insults and names that would be thrown at her. She promised herself than to never make that same mistake again. She vowed it to herself.

Her mother, Catelyn Tully Stark said nothing when finally heavy tears _did_ roll down Arya's cheeks. She didn't bother wiping them away. Truth be told, Arya had a crumbling feeling that her mother hadn't even noticed them at all.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to comment! the next chapter is set for next week.


End file.
